In the week of Monday 3rd October, nursing students across Australia found out whether they would gain entry into the 'GNP' or graduate nursing program.
In South Australia, 1000 students in their final year applied. Of these 440 got a position. Wow. Gee. You kidding!!?? So I suppose when school leavers and mature age students were plotting their options the unis had an honest conversation like this with them....
'Hey, study nursing! you have 56% chance of NOT getting a training place at the end!'
'Oh well that sounds a bit unpredictable, bit of a gamble really?'
'Well!, we assure you that you will spend 3 years toiling away at Uni and whats more you will be guaranteed plenty of slave labour work.'
'huh'
'yes that right, over 4 months! spread over the course's duration, you see the universitities and the hospitals have decided that the best way to fill the so called nursing shortage is by letting you PAY to work for free!'
'but...'
'but nothing! thousands of nursing students all paying the unis to let you work for free at the hospitals! Very cost effective for all involved'
'except for us! jesus!'
'yes... hehe true, except for you! but nowone asked you and nowone will!'
'but surely after all that study and clinical experience, we are a shoe-in for jobs!'
'hehe not exactly, you see the federeal government also lets in thousands of foreigners who are ALREADY nurses as well as offering cash bonuses to retired nurses to come back to the profession :)'
'dam'
'but thats good for us again because as most students dont get a nursing placement, we can then offer a range of other courses to them, making even more money for us and sustaining our enormous administration bureacracy'
'well i may do something else anyways'
'OK. can I help you choose... I am a course councillor after all :)'
'guess so...you have been kinda honest about nursing'
'well depends on the day, hour, minute even whether im honest or not. Ive been accused of giving mixed messages before. ...of giving false hope and unrealistic impressions initally to only end on a brutally honest note wrecking previously held perceptions of our courses...'
'well id like you help anyways.. i think'
'Im feeling fairly objective right now if that makes you feel better (smiles), shall we start?'
'yes, lets see what else there is for me...'
'from what i can see...let me guess... you like people?'
'yeaaaaa....'
'you want an interesting job but cant decide exactly what that means...?'
'yeaaaa.... go on'
'you like the idea of travelling and learning about other cultures as part of your job!?'
'yea sure exactly!'
'well... i think you are the perfect candidate for the Arts degree we offer!'
'coool!
'yea i think you will love it!'
'and grads from that get to do cool work and stuff...'
'depends on your definition of 'cool' of course'
'do tell!'
'let me see.. (looks down at notes) past grads have go on to specialize in ...waiting in dole queues, retail, labouring, teaching others to do arts degrees, teaching arts students at uni, waiting tables, washing dishes, and shuffling papers and checking emails at government departments.'
'oh!'
'yeah, the shuffling papers job is really the holy grail for most students for obvious reasons.'
'shit.'
'oh and some mentioned high class prostitution as a possible option as they could talk politics with their clients.'
'i would never have thought that people would see a uni degree that way. I mean really'
'We pride ourselves on getting students to think outside the square.'
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